I have a boston terrier named Mingus who farts when he runs, which I find endearing and hilarious since his tiny toots are adorably odorless. Recently my darling gaseous pup has been stricken with a disgusting rash that the vet says is most likely a food allergy so I bought him special diet food made by none other than Dick Van Patten (I know right? Who knew the dad from Eight is Enough made specialty dog food!), but as a result of said disgusting rash, he smells like a dirty vagina (my dog, not Dick Van Patten. I have no idea what Dick Van Patten smells like) so I now have to give him a bath once a week with a special medicated shampoo.
Um.....Dick, you may want to consider going into the medicated shampoo business.
He loves taking a bath, (my dog, not Dick Van Patten, I have no idea if Dick Van Patten loves taking a bath) especially when I sing 70's pop tunes to him which I incorporate his name into the lyrics. "Don't you remember you told me you loved me Dinky. You said you'd be coming back again this way Dinky. Dinky Dinky Dinky Dinky oh Dinky.....I love you". I should probably explain that I have made up 32 nick names for Mingus such as: Mingie, Dinky, Dinkus, Dinks, Mingie Dingie, Mayor McDinkey, Dinky Doo and Handsome. He responds happily to every single one.
The Dick Van Patten specialty diet non-allergenic dog food hasn't worked so far, but the vet says it could take a couple of months. So I'm going to have to endure the rank stank emanating from his doggie pits and his pathetic, rashy bald spotted appearance for a while. Fortunately, Mayor McDinkey doesn't seem to mind. He still frolics around the house gleefully unaware of how heinously foul he really is. Unfortunately, he stopped farting when he runs.
"Crazy ass dog lady."