Saturday, March 12, 2011

Extraterrestrial Utensils

Here's my take on the Studio 30 writing prompt "Childhood Dreams":

When I was a kid I had a reoccurring dream that I was abducted by aliens and taken prisoner aboard the mother ship.  I remember waking up on a hard stainless steel table, drugged into a false sense of contentment, and staring up at a vast ceiling covered in neon blues and greens.

I was subjected to gruesome experiments......a hole was bored into my skull and thoughts were extracted by translucent aliens with bulbous heads atop skeletal bodies.  Don't ask me what sort of thoughts they were interested in from a fourteen year old.  All I was thinking about at that age was River Phoenix and if a boy would ever french kiss me.  After the strange beings were finished probing my gray matter, they stuck a fork in my head to keep my brain intact.

Evil little bastard!

I jerked into consciousness as soon as the fork was inserted.  I knew had to escape before a more thorough probing ensued, as in, other orifices.  In a panic I leapt from the examining table and ran.  The aliens followed in quick pursuit.  Somehow I found my way through the labyrinth of corridors on the spaceship and miraculously ended up back in my bed at home.

I had to go to school the next day with a fork sticking out of the side of my head.  Everyone stared at me and asked me why I had a fork sticking out of my head.  One kid even tried to pull it out.  I totally freaked, screaming that if they pulled the fork out, I'd die.  My brains would fall out and I would LITERALLY DIE!  I had to live the rest of my life with a fork in my head.

I await your analysis.

*illustration by Lee from Lee Blogs and Drinks Pogs

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Damn I'm sexy!

So I go to the doctor's office yesterday for what I assumed would be a quickie meeting to find out some lab results. Naturally, I dressed for comfort.


I hadn't counted on the doctor checking my vitals including listening to my lungs.

When the doctor lifted my shirt in the back to hear my lungs wheeze she got a gander at the mint green granny panties that rose about six inches above the waist band of my low rise jeans.

Don't judge.
They're comfortable. And they're coming back in fashion.