Saturday, June 26, 2010

Bored + Vodka + Twitter = FRIDAY NIGHT! I like to drunk-tweet my favorite celebrities on occasion. I mean, who doesn't right? Anyway, it's not a crime. Stalktarded and creepy perhaps, but not a crime.

Odds are, Craig Ferguson hasn't noticed my incoherent prattle since he has over two hundred thousand followers (who I'm pretty sure are all Scottish and way more drunk than me), but there is a good chance the other victims who are forced to endure my 3 am intoxicated tweets probably do. So I'm going to apologize now, during this brief moment of sober lucidity, to the author Christopher Moore (9,180 followers) and musician Erik Elbogen (559 followers) of the band "Say Hi". I usually regret what I've done in the morning, even if I can't remember what I Tweeted. I just can't help myself. It's sort of a compulsion - possibly a sickness. I know you have been confused and possibly feared for your safety, but I can assure you, I mean you no harm. I am mearly a fan who can't hold her alcohol and has nothing better to do on Friday nights.

I expect to be blocked and reported to the Twitter authorities any day now since my dumbass behavior will undoubtedly continue.

Friday, June 25, 2010

A Courtesy Flush

This is my first post on this new blog. I've started and deleted and started this introduction several times and I just can't get it right. I tried to write a little something about myself to let readers know that I'm a housewife, stay at home mom, prisoner of suburban America, lost soul and disgruntled citizen of Earth, but who really cares? I don't want to define myself. I hate definitions. I guess I just assume that no one will give a shit about who I am because I know I wouldn't. That should probably be a sign that I don't have anything interesting or clever to say, but for some reason, I think I do. Sometimes I just have to let it all out, like that chimichanga I ate for dinner two days ago. That thing kicked my ass from the inside out. So yeah, this blog is gonna be like that. Reverse explosive diarrhea in the form of habitual complaining and random thoughts shot out of my fingers instead of my ass and double flushed into the universe.