I have a boston terrier named Mingus who farts when he runs, which I find endearing and hilarious since his tiny toots are adorably odorless. Recently my darling gaseous pup has been stricken with a disgusting rash that the vet says is most likely a food allergy so I bought him special diet food made by none other than Dick Van Patten (I know right? Who knew the dad from Eight is Enough made specialty dog food!), but as a result of said disgusting rash, he smells like a dirty vagina (my dog, not Dick Van Patten. I have no idea what Dick Van Patten smells like) so I now have to give him a bath once a week with a special medicated shampoo.
Um.....Dick, you may want to consider going into the medicated shampoo business.
He loves taking a bath, (my dog, not Dick Van Patten, I have no idea if Dick Van Patten loves taking a bath) especially when I sing 70's pop tunes to him which I incorporate his name into the lyrics. "Don't you remember you told me you loved me Dinky. You said you'd be coming back again this way Dinky. Dinky Dinky Dinky Dinky oh Dinky.....I love you". I should probably explain that I have made up 32 nick names for Mingus such as: Mingie, Dinky, Dinkus, Dinks, Mingie Dingie, Mayor McDinkey, Dinky Doo and Handsome. He responds happily to every single one.
The Dick Van Patten specialty diet non-allergenic dog food hasn't worked so far, but the vet says it could take a couple of months. So I'm going to have to endure the rank stank emanating from his doggie pits and his pathetic, rashy bald spotted appearance for a while. Fortunately, Mayor McDinkey doesn't seem to mind. He still frolics around the house gleefully unaware of how heinously foul he really is. Unfortunately, he stopped farting when he runs.
"Crazy ass dog lady."
OMG - he's adorable. Sorry he's so stinky, though. ;)
ReplyDeleteFeeding your dog Dick's special diet food brought on the need for special shampoo? You're on to something because you're obviously right about Dick's need for medicated shampoo. I think Dick is eating his dog food. Dick. How can a guy wanna call himself that.. I never understood! It's like if my nickname was Vag. Or Puss.
ReplyDeletep.s. no such thing as crazy dog lady, but crazy cat lady...
Oh my goodness, look at the puppy face. He is soooooo cute. Sorry his toots have been silenced :(
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ReplyDeleteOmg!! What a cute face on that dog!
ReplyDeleteI had so many nicknames for my dog too. His name was pumpkin, so we called him pumpy, pumpernickel, nickels, nickelback, pumper, and whites. He was white, btw...and whites was his gang name.
Judging from the picture, Dick Van Patten used part of his head for the dog food..
ReplyDeleteCute! I want to french kiss your dog right on his soft puppy mouth.
ReplyDelete@MB - Thanks. He is my 2nd son.
ReplyDelete@Miss Nikki - Mix it all up and he is Dick Patten (in a) Van
@DD - I think his tooting has been restored. I think I heard a few squeaks recently.
@Lee - thanks for the insightful comment.
@Mrs P - racist
@ Sam - He and "The Dinkster" have the same skin condition.
@ Steam Me Up, Kid - I wouldn't. I'm pretty sure he has a yeast infection.
Ok. This is funny. I have never heard of running-toots from a dog of any kind, let alone a cute little boston! I hope you get things all worked out soon. Olive and I are both rooting for you guys!
ReplyDeleteReminds me of the time my Grandma used to follow the cat around with a bottle of perfume because the cat used to 'poot' (as Grandma called it) when she walked. Thank you for the oxygen depriving laugh.
ReplyDeleteps - Mr. Mingus probably appreciates your strong devotion and love in spite of his ass problems.
@Leslie & Spanky - he's going to the vet next week. I can no longer stand the stink.
ReplyDeleteYour dog is totally adorable.
ReplyDeleteWhat the hell is on Dick Van Patten's head? If he is using his own shampoo, not a ringing endorsement...
@Brahm - thanks. Your dog is pretty damn cute too ;)
ReplyDeleteDid you take him to the vet yet? Poor little guy, I bet he has no idea he is so stinky.. lol..
ReplyDelete