Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Taxidermically Speaking

Ever since my Pa started shooting squirrels from the trees at The Ranch (his one acre vacation home) I've wanted to taxidermy their tiny furry bodies and dress them up as human characters - like gangs of Mexican Banditos or 80's New Wave icon Robert Smith.

Is that weird?

Um......no fucking way. It's genius!

See, I could totally give my hand crafted creations to my family and friends as gifts. Who wouldn't want to receive one of these on Christmas morn?
My sister is gonna love this!

Of course word will travel fast and my critters will become the envy of all their friends and neighbors. I can see it now. It'll become an international phenomenon. SoHo art galleries and high end hoity toity interior designers are going to clamber for one of my original works of art, each of which is mounted on a block of rich mahogany for that extra touch of class. A hula dancing chipmunk focal piece can really pull a room together.

Holy crap.......I'm on to something here. I think I'm really on to something! I'm gonna be so rich!

Don't believe me? Well I Googled "Taxadermied Rodents" smartass. See for yourself.....

Steve Carell's character in Dinner for Schmucks showing off his Last Supper rat diorama.

Hipster beer koozie.

The freaking Pope.

This one could be for Grandma.

Mmmmmhmm. The future is staring you in the face with it's beady little eyes.

There is one small problem though. Doing the actual taxidermy is beyond GROSS! There is NO WAY I'm gonna skin a squirrel. *shudder*

I guess I'll pursue my other life long dream. MACRAME. The 70's is totally in right now and those owls were mega cool.

I'm gonna be RICH!!!!

Ok, perhaps this is slightly cuter and more suitable for gift giving than taxidermied rodents.


  1. I must say, I was very impressed with the Robert Smith squirrel. You even got the crooked, red lipstick right! I'd buy it for my daughter. Place it on the nightstand next to her bed. She'd love it. I know she would.

    When I was a kid, my mom had a reindeer footstool she bought at an incredibly overpriced store called "Simply Country". It's original intent was for it to be used as a kitschy Christmas decoration, but my then two-year-old niece loved it so much, it was kept out year 'round. She would speak to it, stroke it's synthetic fur, and ask it questions like: "Are you dead, buddy? You bwains gone?" She sounded like a junior Joe Pesci a la "Goodfellas" after he whacked a bitch. It was awesome.

  2. Fab idea! I would love one of those furry bitches to hold my remote!

  3. Now I wish I had saved Mini and Lola. Is it bad taste to use a hamster that committed suicide?

  4. PMSL!!! Mox you are genius. Where can I buy a hamster koozy (sp?) btw?!?
    xo J

  5. The cozies made my skin crawl ewwwwwww! Mox your mind is vast and odd LOL Just like mine ;) Love it.... 70's Owl's though...may have to do some digging at my Aunt's - she keeps all that shit. May have an original LMAO! If I find it I'ma sending it your way!


  6. @Sam - I have attempted photoshop a couple of times and both were Robert Smith related. How odd. Yes, I believe your daughter would enjoy a dead buddy :)

    @Holly - Oh...I love it. Holding the remote makes them feel useful, not just a pretty face.

    @Mrs. P - I think it would have been a touching tribute to Mini and Lola, and your daughter could still play with them without the stink.

    @Jen - Click "beer koozie" above. it's a link - sicko

    @TM - I would poop in my pants if you sent me an original macrame owl. Macrame is hard and you can't buy the kits anymore. (I also collect gaudy carved wooden owls)

  7. You need to read Christopher Moore's "A Dirty Job." Or at least check out the artwork that inspired some of the characters in the book... I see you've met the squirrel people.

  8. @OBG - I have read Christopher Moore's "A Dirty Job". As a matter of fact, I've read every single one of his books. He's my favorite author in the whole wide world :) I am so psyched that you recommended him. I'm always trying to spread the word.

    Highlight of my life, I met him at a book signing and he flirted with me (that's how I interpreted our encounter and I'm sticking with it). Yeah, he totally wants me.

    Pssst........I also drunk tweet him on occasion, but don't tell anyone.

  9. Laughing lots...in between shudders of horror of course.

  10. OMG, Mox, I literally burst into laughter. Hahaha. That "this could be for grandma" nearly killed me.

    Fucking genius.

  11. HA! I love it! Brilliant. I've just linked to you - can't resist squirrel decanters!